“Who we are in bed is who we are in life, I have never met a man who was bad in bed that was good at life”- Samantha, SATC (true statement)
So without question I have made it a point to keep my posts pg-13/R in rating. Mostly because it’s just not that kind of blog, but this post is most likely going to be a little more R/NC-17. So if you’re under 17 or just not mature enough to read it, go ahead and X this tab out now and come back next week (yes, that means you Biah and Jenny).
My friend Carron Phillips and I both write love/relationship blogs and last week when he was looking for a topic I suggested he write about what makes a woman good in bed. A lot of the time women aren’t sure or question their skills if they don’t get feed back or feel as if they aren’t “good” at certain things. This idea prompted us to decide to write posts addressing this issue of sex, the good, the bad and the ugly. I decided to write on what makes a man good in bed and he has taken it upon himself to write what makes a woman good in bed. He is a decently insightful, funny and a little bit insane guy, who usually knows what he is talking about, and if he doesn’t its not for lack of experience.
The posts are together below, with a little pretext from him, mine is first and his follows. Enjoy…
So without further adieu, the two of us will give you the ingredients on what it takes to make someone scream your name in Hebrew while in bed. So go ahead and grab some popcorn and cell phone because after you read this you will definitely want to put this knowledge to good use.
FYI: Tu’s going to kick it off, because I’m a gentleman and I ALWAYS let the ladies get theirs first. Hint-Hint
The Ladies POV
When deciding to tackle this topic I knew I could not come up with all the advice and answers myself (I’m just not that girl, ha), and I also knew that it would make the advice much more valid and helpful if I got in put from a variety of women, so I put the question out there for a group of friends: What makes a man good in bed? Now, I will say that most of my friends, like myself, are skilled in the art of over sharing, and are also sassy and grown enough to be honest and not be shy about much. So, needless to say the responses I got were interesting, to say the least. I am going to try and cover as much as possible from before, during and after sex, as well as other thoughts, on size, conversation, and demeanor.
Surveying was also important because every woman is different, as I have said before…Just because you did it wit her…doesn’t definitely mean you can do it with the next, but when it comes to love making and sex, there are undoubtedly things that make any woman swoon.
Now, I have already written and entire post on Foreplay and why it is so vital during sexual interactions with women. Most of the responses that I received included this fact. Almost all of them said that they need some seriously lead up to the main event.
“First and foremost – romance/foreplay. Going right to the deed, without and build up, even after flirting, dinner, playing footsies, whatever, is a real no, no.”
“Don’t think kissing is going to make me open up for you, I need more than that”
“I love when he shows love to all the parts of my body…. when he starts off with kissing me softly and passionately on my face and lips then moving to my neck, working his way from side to side maybe even tickling the nape… raising goose bumps, then working his way down to my stomach…. making my senses tingle with his tongue, after he tickles my stomach he works his way to my inner thighs using not only his tongue but his fingers to caress my skin…. once he’s there, my senses are at their height and I’m pretty much done with foreplay and ready to maul him!!”
During these lead up actions one of the most talked about things in all of the responses was oral sex. Now a man who won’t go down on a girl is not just selfish, but clearly has no business even starting anything. Like most of my friends said, and I agree with them, a lot of women do not get as aroused by intercourse as men do. Many women need other stimulation to climax either before or after the act. Paying attention to this makes men good in bed because it shows that they aren’t selfish and are as interested in your pleasure as they are in their own. This leads me to another highly mentioned quality in a man who is good in bed: being totally into making sure the woman is enjoying herself. When you are a selfish lover you can be sure that a woman is going to talk about it later even if she doesn’t say anything then or right after. If she has to remind you that she is there or put in all the work (“no baby, its so much better when you’re on top the whole time”) then you are clearly not getting that sex is for mutual satisfaction and not just to get you off. You can guarantee that the more into it that you are the more into it she will be and the better it will be for both of you.
“Most women don’t cum from intercourse and a man that understands that is a jewel. There’s nothing better than a man that looks forward to oral sex.”
During the act a woman is looking for a man to multitask, connect with her and match her intensity. Eye contact is key, talking is great and telling her the things you like while also asking her what she wants and needs is important to women. They want to know that you are there in the moment with them and not planning out your agenda for the next day. She needs to know that even if you aren’t in love there is an emotional connection, you are inside of her for goodness sake…
“While we are having sex being able to maintain that intensity/passion, I know it’s hard for men but it really makes a difference… that could be in how tight he is holding me to his body, how many positions he wants to get in to, how he is kissing me during the act, or how he is looking me straight in my eyes…”
With that said there were also a lot of comments on wanting them men to keep it interesting for them, change positions, try something new or somewhere new, make sure you don’t just start focusing on getting yourself off and stop focusing on her. When you are willing to be adventurous and have fun in bed, by trying new things, it is a turn on. For some one talking and encouragement really keeps things hot for her. It breaks the silence and verbally lets her know that you like what she is doing and want it to continue.
“Switching positions… everyone gets bored.. I don’t want to get so bored that I can plan my lunch menu for the coming week (which I do find pleasure in doing)”
“A guy that switches positions, changes speed, and depth of penetration.”
“What makes sex good with a man I care about is having fun with one another, taking sex out of the comfort zone and really being rabbits. Everything is on deck; giving/receiving head, sexual fantasies, role-playing, whipped cream etc.”
Aggression and taking control is very important for most women. For many women in bed is the one time that they want to lose complete control, that they are not looking to dominate, but to be submissive and enjoy.
“I like a guy that knows when to go hard and take control.”
“Be the man and take charge-promise I’ll follow….it’s the only time in life I’m willfully submissive”
Women like confidence over arrogance in bed as well (see: last post). They like when a man is confident and takes control, but not when he talks up his shit and can’t deliver. If you’re not sure don’t tell her, try it out, if she doesn’t like it, she’ll tell you, if she doesn’t tell you, it’s her own fault if she doesn’t have a good time.
“Confidence… I don’t need you telling me that you’re not good at something or that you aren’t sure what other positions there are, fucking make some shit up! But don’t tell me you don’t know what to do… if I don’t like what you’re doing I will tell you.”
“Don’t hint how great you are unless you can really-emphasize really- back it up-otherwise false expectations will lead you to not be a repeat offender”
“What I hate is guys that have little penises or suck in bed that talk the whole time saying, “Aw yea, you can’t handle all this, you like it, you like it, OR even worse take that, take that!” UGH, and all the while you just wanna say get the F&^$ up.”
When it’s over, well, I think there are a few different views on this. Some of us are just tired and want rest. (All of us should/do go to the bathroom, not doing so could cause a UTI, I know it’s and over share but if you were ever wondering why your girl always goes to the bathroom right after the act, its for her health) Others, are hungry, like you, and would love a snack in bed and still others want some face time. They want to cuddle for a bit, they want to stay close until they’ve calmed down.
“…after we’re done … don’t just die on me…. I absolutely hate that shit…. it’s nice to cuddle, and just be in each other presence for at least 5 minutes (truthfully after sex I want to go take a shower), so that 5 minutes is just to wrap up .. mentally, physically, and emotionally.”
“Some kissing, some verbal appreciation, etc. is important and sets the bar. A man who shows that he’s interested in more than just penetration is a keeper. At least for the night.”
“After intercourse, I love it when he looks at me without saying one word and savors me…just the pure silence between us says everything…”
The Bad and Ugly
Now, that I have gone over the good, I might as well put in a little about the bad and the ugly, mostly because some of the responses I got were hilarious.
“Trying to do stuff you saw on a cheap, hardcore porno! When I was in high school this guy was trying to do this creative position with him lifting me up backwards on his shit while he was standing up from the bed, needless to say we both wound up on the floor. And trust, if I nearly break a rib the booty call is over.”
“I don’t know, maybe some people like this, but when a guy does the Hoover vacuum maneuver when sucking on any part of your body is just wrong. ESPECIALLY the breasts or the vajayay! (Also, anything that causes a hickey is so 90′s and anything that causes bruises or broken skin is grounds for getting slapped)”
“If a guy is slobbering in your ear, or can’t kiss and is like getting slob on your chin and nose! Yuck!”
“One of my classmates told me about this thing he likes to do in bed with girls he doesn’t like, lol. It’s called the bucking bronco, and he says when he’s going from the back he calls them the wrong name and then sees how long he can hold on and keep going, lol…that shit’s just not cool” ( I laughed for at least 5 minutes after I read this, just plain old wrong)
“One thing that is SUPER wack is when a guy gets too excited when you’re giving him head and starts to thrust. Unless your gag reflex is non-existent this is not a good idea and a quick way to get your shit bit or vomited on!”
I have said it before and will say it again, I know that most men reading this are at an age that they should know what they are doing. I am not assuming that you don’t, but no one is perfect. There is no shame in learning more about something you enjoy, read up on it, talk to your girlfriend, but don’t shy away from it to save face. It doesn’t hurt to hear about what makes a woman want you more, what she enjoys in bed and how to provide it for her. Make sure to take your time, try to physically and emotionally connect, stay in bed a little longer than 30 seconds after it is over, don’t forget the lead up, and please, please, please make sure you pay attention to her needs as well as yours. I can’t be sure where men have gotten their advice from on these matters in the past, but you can be sure if it wasn’t from a woman then you probably need to keep asking.
The Gentlemen’s POV
Before I get started I have to say these two things: Being great in bed is about knowing your role in the relationship, and knowing who and what you are as a person. Don’t try to be wifey when you’re just a cut buddy, and don’t stop screwing us like a cut buddy just because you’re wifey. Get it, got it, Good. Oh yeah, and if you’re one of those girls that can’t even get herself off, don’t get made when we can’t do it for you. You have to love yourself first mama.
Ladies, you all call it foreplay and we call it head. Smart guys and great lovers already know that you need foreplay. So I suggest you get you a guy that loves to give head instead of the dude that just wants to hit it from the back. Because one guy just want to make you cum, while the other is just trying to get a nut. Ladies, we are all grown now so you don’t have to lie about speaking into the mic. We know you do it even if you lie, and if you don’t you might be single for the rest of your life. LOL. The biggest fault women have when giving oral is that you all aren’t into it. Some of you feel like it’s a chore, WRONG. You need to have some self pride when giving head, be like Beyonce and have a big ego. So I think I can speak for all men when I give you these tips.
The wetter the better, so please stop rubbing the spit off with your hands. Just let it be messy and wet. Also, the tip is the key. Our tip is the male version of the clit, it’s where X marks the spot. Finally, spontaneity is key. There’s a reason why rappers always talk about getting head while driving…because its great. Be willing to serve us up at any given time and place. The crazier the place, the better. Trust me, I’m a man.
Now once you have spoken into the mic and our toes have curled, and you have sprayed your womanly scent into our mustaches; its time for the varsity game to start. Once again pride and ego are the two biggest things when it comes to making us call you our Drake Girl; The Best We’ve Ever Had. Your mindset should be this, and this alone. “I’m going to make this motherfu**er dream about this pu**y even when he’s married”. Now I know that last statement may have made you either say OMG or LOL. But I dare you to try it. The next time you get some, remember this post and use that philosophy and see if you don’t get outstanding results.
Physical attributes are the second most important thing when it comes to a woman being great in bed. There has been an urban legend that “all pu**y feels the same”, WRONG. Now we know that you have no control over this at all ladies, because when it comes to the V all of them were not created equally. But don’t fret, because there are things you can do that can enhance our experience, like being into it. Ladies, you must be willing to do what it takes to get the job done. You can’t just lie their, we are fuc*ing so that means that you need to fu*k me back. You favorite position may in fact be doggy style, but you need to make sure that you are throwing it back at us like a boomerang. Being lazy in bed will get you clowned on and laughed at. Because men clown women who can’t produce in the bedroom just like you all do. So go get a Redbull or a 5-hour energy drink or something, because we would rather please ourselves then deal with a lazy woman in bed.
This is where knowing your role is so vital. If this is just a cut buddy situation you have one of two options. Get up and go home, or get it back up and let’s go again. Those are the only two, sorry. But if you’re the boo, the main, or the wifey; you have three options. Depending on the dude you’re with we are either going to cuddle with you, go to sleep, or lay with you until its time for round two. But trust me, your performance greatly affects which one of these options we choose.
The Bad and Ugly
There really isn’t too much to say in this category because if its bad or ugly we aren’t going to call you anymore. And if we do happen to hit you with a late night text, its because we are drunk/horny and no one else answered their phone that night except you. Ouch, the truth hurts.
Hopefully, my self and Tu have given you some vital information today. Because truth be told being good in bed is really important in life. Bad sex causes people to cheat, lie, and get divorced. Besides deep down inside everyone wants to be remembered for their “Adult skills”. Yeah, I said it.