I have a decent amount of male friends and most of their girlfriends, um well they hate me. No real reason, I’ve done nothing, I don’t want their man, I act as I always have with them and I am cool with them having a girl….but still, they hate me. Ah well, I will without question live, happily, but it begs the question, how do you deal with female friends when you are in a relationship?
Now, I have guy friends whose girl I am actually really cool with (okay it was just like 2 but still counts) and then I have had other guy friends that don’t want me to get all bff-y with their gf because well it’s our friendship, and that again is fine with me as well. But I’ve also had the select few of girlfriends that will fabricate stories of my rude or off putting actions that were not only fallacious, but kind of fucking stupid and then relay them to their boyfriend as truth. Prompting them to ask me about it and prompting me to laugh heartily and inform them that their girl should “put the crack pipe down”.
I respect greatly the man that can have female friends while in a relationship. Girls…like guys…get insecure. They see their man around other women and go on the defensive, which makes having female friends just that much more difficult. Now, this doesn’t mean you can’t have them, especially if you knew them before your girl. If you’re honest with both of them, then well everything should work out fine, but I see no reason not to have them just because your girl has some insecurity issues, she signed up to date you, friends and all.
There is also the question of can man and woman ever JUST be friends. My answer is yes. Others…well, they’d say no, never, one or the other always wants something more. I don’t buy it mostly because I have guy friends that I want nothing more than friendship with and who have never tried me…not once, I swear. People who don’t side with me on this would say that there is really no way to have just a friend, either the girl or guy wants more or has at least considered more and just can’t say it. If this is the case for a guy and he has a girl, well I suppose I’d say, be smart. If you know you want to do it with your female friend and you have a girl now or she’s expressed that she wants to do it with you and you have a girl now, don’t get into situations where your friendship will come into question, if you want to date your friend…try and do that, don’t get a girlfriend just because and F it up, what’s the point?
Side note to this: Don’t Be Oblivious. I hate when men try and act all coy and unknowing when a female friend is into them, or they act different around them. We know, and your girlfriend will know, if your female friend wants to do it to you six ways from Sunday and twice on holidays. Mostly because girls know other girls, but also because it is usually most likely obvious. Don’t ignore the signs and don’t try and maintain the same level of friendship knowing she’s thought about your kids together. Be honest with your self and take a step back…that is, if you don’t feel the same way.
Tell your girl the deal. If you and your female friend have a past, let her know. Girls know things. Like they just know them for no reason, I swear. So if there is something that happened or you and your female friend used to date, tell your girl. No reason to hide it and make things awkward when it comes up, just go for it. Tell her you dated for 3 years, 3 months, had a hot 3 days in the Bahamas, or a hot 3 hours after a party in college, if you’re friends, for real, it shouldn’t be a problem.
Keep the lines of communication open, let her know where you two are going, if that is all it takes to assuage any worries, what’s the harm with checking in? If you start to be vague or mysterious about your outings with your friend, well there is nothing left to do but be suspicious, and for what, so you two can go watch the football game at a bar and she doesn’t know…uh yeah, no.
I say keep em’…especially when they were there before your girl and will definitely be there long after. Female friends are useful and fun and I think an important part of any well balanced man’s life. But use your head, think of how you would feel if/when the situation is reversed and she’s all buddy buddy with her good looking, 6 foot 5, former basketball player, fireman, ex-fling, yeah exactly…wouldn’t sit well ay.
