We all know her, she’s our best friend, the girl we dated, the bitch we talk about, our mom…the independent woman. That girl, is not as rare as she used to be. She’s got her own house, she got her own car, two jobs, work hard, she’s a bad broad…what.ever. Not that it’s not super fun doing what you want all of the time, which they do, but I’m here to tell you boys, the one thing an independent woman wants…is her freedom taken away. Boom.
Yes, you read right. Now, quick disclaimer: Do NOT go out there and find the toughest, baddest bitch and tell her you own her ass now. It will end poorly and this is not what I’m saying, I know men don’t always read all the way through so I wanted to put that up front. What I am saying is…
It’s not a façade…but it does come off tougher than intended because of social stigmas. These women are usually pretty damn tough, they aren’t playing it up to make a point or make you feel like you can’t live up to her standards, because if you feel that way you probably actually can’t. It’s not that independent women are living and acting the way they do because they are trying to send you or any other man that message, it’s because it’s a way of survival. We label women independent, but this is not the 1600’s or even the 1950’s. Women are not being raised to find a husband and live happily. They are not being told that they are no one until somebody loves them. They are being challenged in a world that for many years told them the only place they belonged is at home, barefoot and pregnant.
So this independent woman idea is actually just women being who they have been raised to be. So go ahead now and erase that idea that a woman is “acting” some way. It’s not an act…as I told a gentleman caller just the other week after a brief rant about how much he loved that I was “strong and independent,” but I should just change and be “really nice all of the time” (yes, he said this, I can’t make this shit up), “this is not an act, it’s my personality, I’m 27, it’s sticking.” Pretty sure that’s over. Thank God.
She’s likely got a pretty low threshold for bullshit, because well, she’s not giving it to you, why give it to her? She’s heard most of the lines, she’s been through the ups and downs and at some point, you just stop caring about the games. The awesome thing about being independent is that, even if you weren’t there, she’d still be doing all the same things. Yep, that’s right, she’s making a choice to be with you, to talk to you, to spend time with you. Because honestly, she doesn’t need a man, she wants one. And that’s the deepest part; by definition an independent woman doesn’t NEED a man for anything, material. She doesn’t have to have a serious boyfriend or a long term relationship to validate her, but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t want one. What that does mean is that she won’t jump into one for the wrong reason, and you guys should be thankful for that and act accordingly.
You’ve got to know who YOU are and what YOU want. Meet a woman, decide you like her, tell her that day, you want to be with her. And then actually do it. Promise, if the connection is clearly there, she won’t say no (I got a boyfriend once in five hours, cross my heart). And honestly, it doesn’t take women that much longer to know if they want to be with you. Now, is this necessarily the woman you’ll marry? Who knows, but what I am sure of is if you know who YOU are and what YOU want and find yourself, like very few people do, above the games, better than the waiting four days to call, smoother than the timing of texts and cooler than the debates over when to friend her on Facebook, you will find yourself in a relationship with a dope ass girl. Because if she’s got time to play games then she clearly isn’t as independent as she’d like to claim.
She’s dying to show you just how awesome she really is…no really. If you think that her life alone is dope, know this: she can most likely cook, clean and is physically fit, why? Because as a woman on her own, those are things that she enjoys doing. She doesn’t have to learn them to be with you, she’s been doing them for herself for years and a woman who is independent and self-confident won’t have a problem doing all of those things for a deserving man. Honestly, she wants to do them. She wants to show someone else besides her homegirls and her momma that she is that business. Her bosses don’t matter and that personal pat on the back only lasts for a minute…she wants you to know and she wants to feel the same about you.
What’s the point in being successful if no one tells you how great it is…all of the time. This goes for both sides. Successful independent women that are smart about life, are attracted to successful independent men that know a woman is there to enhance them and not hang of their left nut looking for hand outs. A man and a woman that complement each other are always going to be a hotter relationship than one where one party is getting fed off of like a parasite and hoping things will change one day.
The biggest secret…she likes being told what to do. That’s right. You heard it here. We make decisions for ourselves day in and day out. Easy or hard, they have to be made and honestly, it gets exhausting. So to find a man that makes choices about: date plans, dinner reservations, positions in bed, you name it, she’s open to it. As long as you back it up…they’re not into the “all talk” guy, but men who can walk the walk as well. Be about it.
In the end, I know this, because I live this. I’m not gonna settle. I’m not gonna start re-liking bullshit and nor is that girl you tried to feed it too last week. So you can call her a bitch, you can complain how she “acts” like she’s too good for your games, you can even keep trying to play them, but you’ll likely find that she’s just not that into you…